The Wolf Cries

this picture was taken ms majlis berbuka puasa few weeks ago at Haslam restaurant off jln phg. it was charity event utk asnaf (miskin) dan anak yatim.

i love to attend event2 mcm ni coz i get to know the kids better in more friendly way. biasanya dlm kelas, cikgu2 sibuk nk ngajar in time constrain dan juga nak handle peel satu kelas yg mcm2. ada nk pi tandas, pensil hilanglah, jari luka, sakit perut... mcm2!! so, in event like dis, i can enjoy n talk, even play angry birds with them.. haha. syok!

the boy is fariszudin. he is cute n funny. but for sm reason i hv a blur memory bout him b4 dat day. tp bila ckp ngan dia, it hit smwhere deep in me. bdk ni pndai, tp sian.. miskin. n mskin d area kl ni lg la kesian. kita yg bergaji besar ni pon kdg2 kena ikat perut.. apa lg org berfamili mcm ni.

1 lg..dia tggal kt slyg. area ni, walau dkat kl, tp mcm kmpung. mentaliti. bdk2 kurg motivasi and terdedah pd byk bnda buruk. in a way, bnda2 ni lg teruk dr kg.. i wish the best for him. hrp2 jd org yg baik besar nnti. blh bwk famili keluar dr slumdog ni..

few day after.. i went teaching mcm biasa. totally forgot bout that nite as i was late masuk kelas n guru besar meronda2 d skolah. (jerit!!) tp ms balik ada bdk grab my back and ckp " nak main telefon?" it caught me by surprise coz bdk2 biasanya know their boundaries.. i enforce them :-[ haha... i look at him closely.. oh faris!!!

Ya Allah, br la perasan sapa dia rupanya. patut la selama ni kurg perasan dia. baju dia comot, and dia x byk ckp mcm the rest of the kid. i tgk muka dia lama2, n smwhere dlm hati ni rs sayu semacam. kesian bdk2 mcm ni yg kurg dpt perhatian. we, teacher bkn x nk lyn smua peel bdk2. tp we hv jadual and byk keje2 lain d bahu. masuk keluar masuk keluar, x dnafikan kdg2 yg menonjol saja kita pndang. sian.

i promised myself nver to single out any kids, even b4 dat day lg. but yet, dat was hapen. i promise myself i'll b better next time. Janji!!!

2day is 20th day in ramadhan. i lost 5 kg alredi. so happy. slowly i gonna be in size n shape of how i was 6,7 years ago.

i rmmber i used to hate being so thin coz i feel cold easily. even when other ppl sit in front of a fan with max speed.. to me, that the perfect weather..

also, i used to tot that ppl will take me seriously if i were seen a lil bigger in size. being youngest son, i bound wit these custom n rule.. so i kinda hate when ppl see me as little emi all the time. i was too thin, n i feel like invisible sm time with kids sm age but btter built of body.

but i guest, that's ysterday news. i thnk i gain weight tremendously while i jobless in 2005. back in universiti i was an active jogger. to jog around Bukit Expo UPM was like my evening routine or brekfast.

nowaday, it just not diet or exercise to keep slim that i'm focus on. but i think, to stay healthy is a way of showing how grateful we are. syukurr to Allah's gift as He's gv me a complete n perfect set of human body. also.. too much food and weak mind is not good for the soul, if u not know it by now.. LOVe YOURSELF :-D

a lot of parent call me, tnya psl tarikh exam. sbb skolah x bg jadual. aku sndri d luar lingkup pgtahuan, so trpaksa whatapps ckgu lain.

how amazing kan how we change frm page, call, sms, fb n now whatsapps. thing are becoming more easier, i wud say, but not necessarily cheaper. me myself hv cnsider nk pakai internet pakej. nasib baik la bajet xde. so.. this pokai"ness is kinda actually blessing in disguise. setuju!?

berbalik kpd topik exam, parent sll tnya : exam ke test? i dont really get the idea, coz i want the kids to strive excellently every time. but maybe, they care for exam coz exam will determine kelas apa their kids will stay next year..

so, given dat situation, agaknya apa agaknya dlm hidup kita yg boleh dianggap exam or test?

for me, mybe dealing with my housemate ni is a daily test.. or time n sleep issue is a constant test.. exam? my pokai"ness definitely the killer paper kot.. n age issue!! thn dpan dah 30!!! itu mcm ujian akhir tahun.. n i wanna get B+ at least ;-)

i always love story books. aku ingat
lg ms kecik aku penah kmpulkan smua story2 yg aku suka dlm scrap books. ada juga yg aku wat sendiri..

but smhow i dont share interest w fren yg suka tgk movie. x dpt feel fairy tale dlm hollywood movies nowadays sbb they dont want their movie jd disney movie kott.. i dunno y it take me smpai LOTR III br i enjoy.

tp bab tv, i love citer2 mcm Merlin, the tudors, game of thrones.. citer psl zmn dulu2.. suka tgk when woman r woman n men r men.. (if u know wat i mean)

nsib baik aku ngajar BM. so sesuke-suki aku masukkan bab cerita dongeng. bdk2 pn enjoy. the good thing is citer2 ni smuanya ada nilai2 murni..1 thing yg sgt aku tekankan. call me conservatif, but i beleive kids should be kids n live out their fantasies..

aku sll trasa bosan, smtime lost when shopping 4 myself. lately, i hv a conflict. i hate staying home...love 2 go out n see the world. tp.. bila dok sorg ni, life kinda empty. kalo dulu ms dok kg, leh bli apa2 bg kt my lil star or mak aji, at least vitagen or tepung talam. but now, nk bli tuk sapa??

dats y kot my money rather spend utk keje n kids. tp apa sgt yg bleh buat pon. plus i on diet, n sengkek juga. tp sengkek2 pn, dh bli statinary n ni saja dh dkat rm100 lbh..

i dunno where the root of x reti nk bblanja utk dr sndri cm frm.. adkh rs insecure, x ckp kasih syg? gila pgkat? mkn puji? i hope bkn bnda yg negatif..

from wat i see, so far bkn sbb yg negatif. i always tot myself to be "ikhlas" in every lil thing i do. kdg2 kita mmberi ld yg x mahu. kdg2 yg mahu tp x malu pn ada..

Ade org kata bebas itu apbl kita boleh buat apa yang kita suka. Statement ini mungkin bunyi agak negatif dan menjurus kpd bbrp perkara 'kuning' atau 'sosial. Lebih positif bila kata bebas itu apabila kita boleh menjadi diri sendiri : BE ME : do what i loike, dress how i want, speak like how i desire. Ikut suka U...

Dalam dunia latest ni, org x peduli sgt dgn dunia sekeliling. Kalo kapel2 nak kiss2 kat McD pon, xde org nak tegur. Kat Masjid Selayang ni, lepas solat Jumaat, budak2 sekolah menengah selamba pakai kasut dlm kwsn solat smbil sembang kuat2 masa org tgh berdoa. Xde sapa2 nak tegur atau sound direct pon. Mungkin juga semua org sibuk nak masuk balik keje, atau nak balik sambung tido setelah tido masa khutbah.

KL dh nak jd NY kot. bangga wooo!!

So, apa susahnya kalo nak jadi 'ME'? bukan org peduli pun kalo ko pakai stokin pink dengan baju kuning? silap2 org kata ko cute mcm Angry Birds.. x gitu?

Soalan? So, katakan kalo ada org tiba2 tanya aka tegur ME ko tu? kalo org tanya apsal ko mcm ni, apsal ko mcm tu? X KL ke dia? X NY ke depa tu?

There's a part of this story bila ada watak ustaz / ustazah poyo, makcik murai, kaki bawak mulut, penyibuk dll..

Tapi sepanjang kita membesar, kita ke sekolah kan? apa tujuannya ekk? saje x bagi kita duk rumah tgk kartun pagi2 kot? atau kalo dok rumah, xde sape nak jaga kita masa mak kita pegi keje?

Juga pasal mak/ayah kita? pasai apa diorg bantai kita kalo kita malas semayang ye? atau kenapa kalo kita gaduh ngan anak jiran sebelah, sure kita juga yang kena bantai, walau dh byk kali bgtaw budak tu yg cr pasal??

Sejak bila kita boleh taw inilah diri kita? Mcm mana kita boleh sedar this is ME? adakah kita dah settel at 1 point n there's no more room for a change..

p/s : kadang2 lagu2 indah itu dtg dr melodi yg simple dan lirik yg x terlalu puitis - mcm BETTERMAN - Robbie William..